I was a good girl this morning. I have some organizing-filing-discarding that I have been putting off for waaaay too long, and this morning I bit the bullet and started in on it. Got rid of a whole big box of general junk and organized what I didn’t throw out. Still need to do the same with about four more boxes in the garage, but it is a good feeling to have started and even better to be able to look at the box and say, “Yep, got rid of that.”
Since then, I’ve been thinking about what else I need to get rid of. Kind of in a metaphysical sense, you know? I have a whole lot of guilt, and I’m pretty sure I could get rid of most of it without noticing. So I am going to try to clear that out. Feeling bad about not teaching my kids a foreign language? Gone. Regretting the times I plopped them in front of the tv instead of doing clever art projects? Gone. And the things I hate about myself? The time I spend resenting my maternal grandmother’s gene pool for giving me a big rear end and short stubby legs? Let’s trash that. (Did you know, my SIL told me I don’t have calves, I have full-grown cows? That is going in the trash pile, too!!) The wishing I had learned to play piano? I will toss that.
Because really, I have a great life. I have the last of the good men. I hope my girls realize what kind of father they have, although I know you never notice the things you are used to. They don’t realize how many girls have dads who just don’t care, because they have been wrapped in a cocoon of their dad’s love and protection since before they were born.
My girls have turned out great. Well, I think I am justified in saying that about the 18-year-old, cause she is officially an adult. And the little one is following along just like her. I may not have taken them on educational excursions to all 50 states, I may not have forced them to go to cotillion or made them study enough, but they are smart, kind, inquisitive, well-mannered young ladies despite all my failings. So I am going to jettison the mommy-guilt.
I have a good job, that I am good at. I have friends who care, and that I care for. (Poor grammar, I know. Deal with it.) I have a hobby/avocation/obsession that may just result in something good one day – but even if I never get published, I enjoy my writing.
So I am trashing some of the unhelpful emotions to make room for better ones. What about you? Got any old, worn-out attitudes you can toss?